2-March-2006

Cranky Pat’s, Neenah, WI

Let me learn ya somethin,’ somethin’ you can take to Check Into Cash on Park St. They say George Washington never told a lie, well, I tell you one thing, like other president’s with the first name George, our founding father told a few hum-dingers in his day. One happened to involve bluffing the British army into thinking the good ole’ US of A had shitloads of gunpowder, when in fact, we were drier than the mouth of a chronically Red Man chewing Lenny Dykstra during the ’93 MLB playoffs. Heh, it worked for him, the British troops didn’t attack our vulnerable troops and now, still, after all these years, we’re a country—albeit one that’s hated by the rest of the world, but hey, you win some, you lose some in triple overtime.

Now, we came to Cranky Pat’s fueled by an offer of free pizza and beer, which is basically like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey, or better yet, some hair pomade in front of Steven Seagal, except that this Seagal donkey has lots of hair, doesn’t know martial arts, and wants to bludgeon people with rock and blues. Finding Cranky Pat’s wasn’t a problem—just take a left at the McDonald’s—even though we didn’t know where in the hell Neenah was. We entertained the locals, including half of Otis & the Alligators (I’m guessing the head and the teeth).

Using the powers of persuasion and our drummer’s seductive abilities we were lucky enough to talk Michael Boyle into joining us on stage for a couple numbers, and I don’t think anybody in Winnebago County left unscathed.

Boosh! to that.

When the smoke cleared, we had made some new friends, we had left a city satisfied, and we are one step closer to getting our title shot.

And if George Washington told you anything different…he’s full of shit.

Clovis Mann in ’06.