25-March-2006

Ballyhoos, Merrill, Wisconsin

Dennis, the owner of Ballyhoos, told us a harrowing story about the fate of the hard-rock boogie Floridians Molly Hatchet. Apparently, a couple of nobodies pulled a Michael Jackson and bought the licensing rights and rights to all of MH’s songs, and actually tour the US as Molly Hatchet, even though they are basically sub-level impersonators. Now, what really puts it on another level is the fact that the real members of Molly Hatchet can no longer tour as Molly Hatchet because they don’t own the rights to their own name or songs anymore, so now they’ve basically become a Molly Hatchet cover band, that actually is Molly Hatchet. I guess they’re going to have find a new prostitute that had a penchant for decapitations to name their band after, since Molly Hatchet’s now off limits. Just don’t get any ideas, respected readers.

Dennis is the ideal club owner—full of good stories, a well-grown beard, and actually gives a shit about the bands he brings into his place (for example, right when we first met him he greeted us by our first names because he studied this here web-site). Moreover, the bar used to be a carriage house that had hookers back in the 1850s and it’s actually haunted, which explains why all the patrons at the bar ran through walls and evaporated into a thin mist after we finished our third set (at least their money was good). It had a damn good pool table too, and it might even win the cleanest bathroom award, which, considering some of the places we’ve played, sadly isn’t saying much.

Needless to say, the show was as raucous as a pier six brawl, minus the fisticuffs, face paint, suplexes, and midgets, and maybe more liquor, and that’s all we really ask for, well, that and ham hocks and beef jerky.

Dennis says he wants us back, and maybe when we get there he’ll finally have his new golf clubs.