8-April-2006

Smiling Moose, Osmond, Wisconsin

We have to credit the speed and alacrity with which the venerable journalists at The New York Times came out with this story, right after Clovis Mann’s show at the Smiling Moose in Osmond, Wisconsin.

Band Plays Spectacularly Despite Flu-Like Systems

Monday, April 9, 2006—Plymouth, Wisconsin

Before his day began, Drummer in the popular band rock band Clovis Mann Ethan Noordyk was far from envisioning the grisly scene that unfolded at the Smiling Moose in Osmond Wisconsin.

“Before the show, I turn my head to say something to [Guitar Player] Dan [Walkner],” a stunned Noordyk stated to at a press conference, “and that’s when I realized he was puking all over the ground.”

As startling a scene as this, the treachery continued for innocent bystander and witness Ethan Noordyk.

“Then, after the show, Stoshy says ‘I don’t feel good,’ so I ask him ‘you need some air buddy?’ Well, he said ‘yes’ and proceeded to puke three times before he even got into my car. We drove to Plymouth together, and immediately upon exiting my car, he spilled his guts all over my driveway, and then the lawn by my house.”

Was Noordyk an instrument in a cruel plan—that every person he freely associated with ended up disgorging themselves in such a disturbing manner? Was this another case of Typhoid Mary? Or…perhaps even most disturbing of all, was this an act of Global Terror?!?

“No, I think Danny just had a bad Buffalo Chicken Wrap when he went to eat lunch with his brother, and Stoshy just got some sort of bug,” an assertive Noordyk calmly stated.

As for Noordyk, he remained disinfected by the whole charade, except for when he cleaned Bassist Stosh[y] Jonjak’s vomit receptacles: “Yeah, I gagged a couple times.”

Despite these health failings, Clovis Mann put on another spectacular show inspiring good will in the hearts of all Osmondnites, and improving morale in the city. Most of the fans in the audience only had this--an ode to the august wrestling shaman Ric Flair--to say: “WOOOOOOOOOO!”

Wooo indeed.