28-April-2006

Marley's, Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin

Upon entering Marley’s at the Wisconsin Dells, the would-be patron is greeted by an overstaffed cadre of tropical shirt clad watrons tensely waiting for something to do, 10 foot tall plastic neon palm trees, a menu of fruity drinks (including a concoction dubbed the dirty banana) and more alarming minutia that attempt to make people forget they are in the middle of Wisconsin—which is basically the idea behind the Dells as a whole. As shocking as it is to say, some people are actually duped into spending a lot of money on this—these are the same people that think dancing to music videos on tv is time well spent. Needless to say, here are the highlights:

• I witnessed a dance-off the likes of which I haven’t seen since the Kevin Bacon movie Whiplash. Two dudes started dancing around each other in a circle sniffing each other’s armpits. Then, after they both did some acrobatic moves, they started shoving each other. The smaller of the two guys then, for some reason unknown to me got punched in the face by a girl before getting kicked out.
• Requests included Bon Jovi, Kansas, and “Fire” by Jimi, which incidentally is one of his most overplayed songs.
• We were given this ultimatum: if people were dancing we were allowed to play.

Now, live music at Marley’s could work, but you can’t have dance music and a live band exchanging sets with each other, it has to be one or the other. Dance club people go to dance clubs to dance to mtv videos—they don’t care if real people are making the music or not. Music fans love to see live music but would rather die than be caught in a dance club. Music fans and clubbers are like oil and water—the only time they’re together it’s usually because of an Exxon caliber disaster.